


I Know It's A Beautiful World (I just can't see it right now)

by Happy_Smiling_Things



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Depression, F/F, Post-Episode: s03e05 Jolene, Smut, deals with delicate topic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:27:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23621560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Happy_Smiling_Things/pseuds/Happy_Smiling_Things
Summary: Everything was just fine now. Everyone had apologized to her for what had happened, and of course she had forgiven them. It was Jolene’s fault, they hadn’t meant what they had said to her. She knew they loved her, she knew it from the bottom of her heart, just like she loved them all.So everything was fine now, except… maybe it wasn’t.Waverly’s back to her usual smiley face and cheerful mask, but what happened with Jolene may have left scars on her mind. Words spoken to her during that time by the persons she loves the most keep coming back again and again, until Nicole finds her on a particularly tough day, and it may be time to speak.
Relationships: Waverly Earp & Nicole Haught, Waverly Earp/Nicole Haught
Comments: 6
Kudos: 185





	I Know It's A Beautiful World (I just can't see it right now)

Things had been good since Jolene had been defeated.

Wynonna was back to her old self, never missing an opportunity to make stupid jokes and teasing her and Waverly had noted her sister being somewhat softer around her. Doc had come the next morning to see her with his hat in one hand, and a bunch of flowers in the other, and she hadn’t been able to hide her smile as he apologized for his unkind behavior.

Nicole had been the one to apologize the most. As soon as she had found her after everything, she had wrapped her arms around the smaller woman, holding her tightly, checking if she had any bruise and whispering comforting words to her. They had spent hours in her room at the homestead, and Nicole had showered her with love and affection, helping her to forget what had happened, their fight, the words that had been said. It had worked just perfectly, she had felt better than she had in a long time, and for a moment all the dark thoughts had vanished.

Everything was just fine now. Everyone had apologized to her for what had happened, and of course she had forgiven them. It was Jolene’s fault, they hadn’t meant what they had said to her. She knew they loved her, she knew it from the bottom of her heart, just like she loved them all.

So everything was fine now, except… maybe it wasn’t.

Because there wasn’t a single doubt about how much she was loved and cherished, she had her family for her, and maybe it was small and messed-up sometimes, but it was everything to her, but what if…

What if she wasn’t enough for them?

What if she wasn’t enough?

Because some days Jolene’s words would echo in the back of her mind, and they’d drag her into some dark place again, and she didn’t know if she’d be able to escape from there.

-

She was on the floor. Again.

“Come on baby girl, show me what you got.”

_Weak._

Wynonna had insisted that she’d join her for training this morning, and even if she wasn’t really in the mood for that, Waverly had accepted. Training with her sister usually helped her, brightening her mood and pushing her anger and dark thoughts out with punches and sticks.

Pushing on her legs with her jaw tight, she took a steadying breath and held her sticks high, ready for the next move.

“What is going on in that little mind of yours?” Asked Wynonna, frowning slightly.

“Nothing, it’s just...”

“Tired from your night with Nicole?”

Waverly rolled her eyes at her sister’s innuendo, because she wished she was just tired from a long night spent with her girlfriend, she really wished it was that simple.

“Maybe I should talk to her,” smiled the eldest Earp, “you know, just to make sure she doesn’t drain all your energy out so you can train properly.”

“Wynonna...”

Holding her hands up before winking to her, she then turned serious again and held her guard up, ready for the next round. Waverly tried her best to focus on her sister’s movements, thinking about what to do to put her on the ground, how to stay on her feet for once.

She was so close to succeed, because Wynonna threw her fist and all she had to do was take a step on the right and…

Too slow.

She made her move a second too late, and Wynonna saw her coming, and the next thing she knew she was on the floor, again.

_Useless piece of skin._

“You have to stay focused Wave, the revenants aren’t going to make it easy for you!”

“I know, I’ll work on it.”

And there must have been something in the way she lowered her head, or in the way she sighed heavily, because Wynonna didn’t push like she usually would.

“Alright, let’s try this one more time, I know you can move those sticks and kick my ass.”

“You know what?” Started Waverly as she picked herself up once again with a smile, “I think I’m gonna let you play with Doc instead.”

“What? No, we aren’t done!”

“I have work to do, and no one’s gonna make the researches and sorting if I don’t.”

“But your books and files can wait,” argued Wynonna.

“And so does that training,” countered the brunette. “Look, you’re good at shooting things and putting people on the ground, that’s your thing. My thing is collecting informations, and guiding you to the revenants or demons so you can put them down.”

Wynonna made a sulky face at that, and for a second she felt better, even allowing herself to laugh as she approached her sister, gently nudging her.

“Team work, remember?” She smiled.

Unable to keep her sulky face for longer, the oldest sister nudged back the youngest one, rolling her eyes but letting her walk away anyway.

And Waverly could sense her thoughts darkening again with every step she took, but she didn’t stop, her smile fading as she put her sticks on her bag and went for a quick shower.

_You should be able to defend yourself._

_What if one day Wynonna gets hurt, or worse, because you can’t knock someone out?_

_Why can’t you be stronger?_

_You’re just a burden._

-

“Waverly, are you here?”

Jumping from her seat, the young woman snapped out from the trance she had been wrapped in since she had entered the room with her box full of ancient books, maps and files. She had lost herself in her researches so deeply she hadn’t seen time pass, and it took her a few seconds to register that it was now dark outside.

“Here,” she called, letting herself fall against the back of her chair, her head heavy with all the questions that hadn’t found answers today.

Footsteps echoed in the room as she stared at the pictures spread on the table in front of her, sticky notes attached to some of them with way too many question marks on it. She had spent the entire day on it, and the results were too little in her opinion.

“It looks like you’ve been working hard,” stated Doc as he stopped not far from her, looking at all the papers with his eyebrows high.

“Not hard enough,” she sighed, crossing her arms in front of her.

“Got anything new?”

Waverly stood up at the question, taking a couple of pictures with her as she moved to the wallboard with everything they had so far on the revenants remaining.

“Well,” she started, looking at at her hands before turning to the giant map of the Ghost River Triangle, “I’ve identified two more of them. One of them works at the factory near the woods in the south, the other one is closer, living two streets away from Shorty’s, I still don’t know how we haven’t found him yet.”

“That’s some good news you are giving us now,” nodded the man standing a few feet away from her, studying her board with appreciation, “you have earned your rest for tonight.”

“Oh, I still have a few things to do.”

Doc smiled gently at her, patting her shoulder before taking a step behind.

“Alright. I will go see Jeremy before leaving, I do think he found something earlier about that second revenant you were talking about.”

_Replaceable._

Waverly offered a little smile to the man in front of her before turning her head to the board again. The wall was crumbling under the maps, pictures and notes, showing how much work they still had.

And revenants weren’t their only problem anymore…

Now they also had to deal with Bulshar.

Because Waverly had been weak. Because she hadn’t trusted Wynonna and the others. Because she had been scared, too scared to lose Nicole. She had betrayed them all in the blink of an eye, giving the third seal away to their enemies, letting them unleash Hell on Purgatory to save the one she loved.

“Anyone heard a thing about that?” She asked, toying with the ring sitting on her finger.

“We’re still searching, but no, nothing for now.”

“Great...”

Doc slowly approached her, sitting on the desk to face her with bright eyes and a smile on his face.

“It’s okay, we will find a way to put him down, just like we did for any other demons and revenants that has come our way.”

“I really hope you’re right, because if...”

“There is no if, Waverly, I have no doubts about us all.” Doc insisted, putting back his hat on his head as he straightened himself up. “Now you should really stop for today and take a breath. Everything will still be there when we wake up tomorrow.”

“It’s okay, I just want to finish my reading of the file I’m on right now.”

The man only nodded, looking at her in the eye for a second longer before walking to the door. Waverly went back to her chair, ready to go back to her studies when he stopped, turning back to see her.

“Try not to be late for diner, you know how Wynonna is when you are.”

“I’ll just wait for Nicole to be done with work so we can come together,” laughed the young woman as she sat back, her mood slightly better than a moment ago.

It didn’t take her long to immerse herself back into her file, writing down on her notebook everything that could help the team to take a step closer to end all the shit they were in right now. There wasn’t much more to learn about in there, but every little thing could be crucial at some point, so she stayed focused until the last page.

Talking with Doc had calmed the voices in her head, his kind words pushing them away for a bit. Maybe they could stop that, maybe they could really get their happy ending after all…

Closing the last file of the day, Waverly then turned to the pile of books sitting on the corner of her desk. Maybe they could find something about Bulshar there, something that could help getting rid of him…

“Hey there.”

Blinking a couple of time before lifting her head, she discovered Nicole leaning against the door frame, her arms crossed and a little smile on her face. Every thought vanished for a second in Waverly’s brain, a faint smile mirroring the one the woman facing her was wearing.

“Hey,” she breathed.

“I’m done with paperwork for today, we can go whenever you’re ready.”

“Okay, give me a minute to clean a bit and grab my purse and we’re good.”

Nicole nodded and took a step into the room, looking around her while Waverly was grabbing files and notebooks, thinking for a second before letting them on the table, ready for tomorrow. Tonight she’d get some rest and enjoy her time with her family and friends, and tomorrow she’d come back and find something.

“It’s a pretty good job you did there Waves!”

_Not good enough._

The thought flashed trough her mind before she could stop it, and she took a few seconds to compose herself before turning around, finding Nicole looking at the wall, a hand lingering on the new informations. The smile she gave her once she turned to look at her made her heart beat a bit quicker, and she smiled again.

Walking toward the ginger cop with her coat on, ready to go, Waverly glanced at the notes, her mind slowly starting to get lost into the questions laying there, waiting for her to find some answers, almost mocking her, hanging on the wall like some proof of her uselessness in the team…

“You’re frowning,” whispered Nicole, replacing a strand of hair behind her ear.

“It’s nothing.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” nodded Waverly with a soft smile as her girlfriend placed a kiss on her forehead, making her frown disappear, “just work.”

She took a second to close her eyes, breathing in the familiar vanilla-dipped donuts scent from Nicole, and things calmed down again. The power this woman had over her never ceased to amaze her…

“How was your day?” She asked, intertwining they fingers as she led them away from the room, down the hall.

“Busy. I’ve had a lot of paperwork to do today, and since I don’t have enough hands to help it has taken more time than it should have. I’m sorry I had to skip lunch time by the way.”

“It’s okay, I skipped it too, the file was pretty long to study.”

“Well then, it might have been a good idea of Wynonna to have made tacos Tuesday a thing,” smiled Nicole as she switched off the lights.

Waverly got out of the police station first, waiting a second for her girlfriend as she closed the door, turning back to her with her car keys on her hand.

“Need a ride?”

“I have the Jeep,” answered the brunette as she got her own keys, “I’ll see you at the homestead.”

“Alright, see you there.”

-

Charlene was already parked next to Wynonna’s old truck as they arrived, which meant Nicole and her were the last one coming home.

Getting out of her car as Nicole’s passed the homestead entrance, Waverly waited for her, the chill of the night giving her goosebumps. Her hand found the taller woman’s one as soon as she got close, and they started walking toward the porch with quick steps, ready to spend the evening with everyone in the heat of the house.

“Hey, not so fast,” murmured Nicole as she dragged her up the stairs.

Waverly turned around, strong arms coming around her waist as she did so, and for a moment nothing else than the woman standing right in front of her mattered. Not a whisper could echo in her mind as that pair of honey eyes looked at her, and peace waved through her, soothing the words she had heard through the day.

“We really should go inside,” she said, barely audible as her hands ran up Nicole's arms.

“I know, I just wanted to have a moment with you alone before we join the party.”

Her smile made Waverly’s heart flutter, and there wasn’t much she could say to that.

So instead of using words to respond, she went on her tiptoes and placed a hand on Nicole’s cheek, admiring the softness in her traits before closing the gap between them, kissing her tenderly.

“I’m the luckiest,” she let out, barely pulling away.

“Arguable,” countered Nicole, stealing another kiss from her before she let her go, “but we’ll see that later. For now let’s just go inside.”

Her girlfriend was beautiful, standing a feet away from her, her hand stretched out, ready to guide her to her home, and she could only smile as they joined their family.

They didn’t have time to close the front door behind them before Wynonna’s voice echoed from the kitchen.

“Hey, it was about time! You really have to stop taking all my baby sister’s time like that Haught.”

“Some of us have actual jobs that require to work extra hours,” chuckled Nicole.

“I have a serious job! And mind you, Tuesdays are pretty busy days.”

“Oh really? You always leave an hour early.”

“And where do you think your drinks come from?” Replied Wynonna, two beers in her hands as she entered the living room, her brow arched, “Now hurry up, we have a drinking contest to start.”

“Oh no,” interrupted Waverly as she walked to the couch, Nicole behind her, “you do not start that again, I want to enjoy the night with my girlfriend this time.”

Wynonna cringed her nose at that as Doc stole one of the beers she was holding, and Nicole just laughed, kissing her temple before letting her get comfortable on the couch.

Warmth spread inside her, and Waverly smiled, sitting between Doc and Jeremy, Wynonna grumbling about her not letting her have any fun as she went back to the kitchen to bring an entire pack of beers and a whiskey bottle before she let herself fall on the armchair, Nicole making herself at ease as she sat crossed-legged in front of her, her head leaning against her legs.

Time seemed to slow down then, and as Jeremy went on with some show he was watching and Doc interrupted him every now and then to understand what it was about and who the hell is this Ikea Nicole keeps mentioning, realization made her heart skip a beat.

This, them, they were her everything. Her life. Her home. Her heart.

Nicole moved her head to look at her, all honey eyes and laughing at something Wynonna had said and that she hadn’t registered, and her ribs cracked under the weight of love.

And as they ate, she asked silently to the universe what she had done to deserve it.

_Nothing. You did nothing to deserve it and they will all soon see that, realize how unworthy you are of their time, attention and love._

Suddenly her tacos wasn’t as tasty, and Waverly put it down on her plate, sinking down on the couch, letting the others enjoy the night as her mind kept dragging her deeper and deeper into the darkness. Everything around was too fast and too slow all together, the noises unbearable but barely coming to her ears, and nothing really made sense.

Waverly registered Nicole asking her if she was okay, and she smiled at the care in her frown and nodded, even if nothing really felt okay inside her mind. Standing up, she gathered everyone’s plate once they were done and moved to the kitchen, telling Nicole to take her spot on the couch as she was doing the dishes, shaking he head as she proposed to help her.

She could use some time alone to battle the voices, maybe quiet them for tonight.

Wishful thinking.

The voices just kept getting worse and worse, taking more space and being so loud that Waverly closed her eyes for a second, hands holding on the sink so tightly her joints were white. Breathing wasn’t that easy when she felt like drowning, and remembering how to come back to the surface could be hard sometimes.

Taking a deep breath, fighting with what energy she had left today, she started to swim back to the surface. The voices were like dark hands trying to catch her, making her suffocate more and more, and she was out of air.

She opened her eyes as her head started to feel too light to be normal and reached for the only thing left in the sink.

_“If you were good, you wouldn’t have lost everything.”_

_“Are you going to do something right for once.”_

_“Then do it. End it. It’s the only thing that will make it better.”_

_“You don’t bring them a single thing.”_

It felt like water was filling her lungs as a hand caught her and dragged her under the surface once again, so deep that she couldn’t see the light anymore. They were everywhere, clawing at her, making it impossible to move, keeping her paralyzed as she kept sinking, feeling herself going down and being unable to do anything to stop it, watching herself lose the battle.

“Waverly?”

Coming back to reality brutally, the brunette felt sudden pain on her thumb.

She was holding the knife Jolene had given her that day, blood tainting it.

Nicole was at her side before she could fully understand what had happened, the same frown from earlier on her face.

“Here, careful with that,” she said as she took the knife from her, moving in the kitchen quickly before coming back next to her.

Waverly stared at the cut on her finger without moving, blinking twice as gentle hands fixed it, putting a band-aid on it.

“There.”

“Thank you,” let out Waverly, slowly turning herself to the light.

“Are you sure you’re okay? You seem a bit… off tonight.”

“I’m fine, just tired.”

“Maybe we should go to sleep then?”

“I’m going to do that, but you,” smiled the youngest Earp, “go back with them and enjoy the rest of the evening.”

“But...”

That frown was still there on Nicole’s face as she approached her, cupping her cheeks and kissing her lips, trying to sooth her. There was no need to drag Nicole down with her, she’d been there and went back countless time alone already, there was no reason she couldn’t do it again.

If only the voices could let her take a breath before grabbing at her another time…

“Go have fun with them love, I’ll see you in a couple hours, okay?” She whispered, doing her best to bring some lightness in her voice.

It didn’t seem to work too much.

Taking her hand to guide her back to the living room, she put on her best smile as she said goodnight to everyone, telling them to take care of Nicole for her, warning Wynonna that if she couldn’t sleep with her girlfriend tonight she’d be in trouble in the morning as her sister started to smirk.

“You’re no fun baby girl, we have to check if sheriff Haught sauce can handle her booze.”

“You leave her alone,” glared Waverly, her arm around Nicole’s waist, her head resting against her shoulder.

“Scared she will lose?”

“Oh please, we all know she won the last drinking contest you forced her to get into!”

Her sister scoffed at that, and Waverly felt her girlfriend smiled as she pressed a kiss on her hair, soothing the storm in her stomach.

“Don’t worry Waverly, we will take great care of miss Haught, you can go sleep without fear,” said Doc, tapping his hat with a smile at her.

Waverly nodded at him before kissing Nicole’s cheek, pushing her gently toward the couch before walking to the stairs. She could still hear them chatting and laughing as she slowly closed the door of her room.

She didn’t know how much time had passed by as a soft knock echoed between the walls surrounding her. It sure hadn’t been too long, but it still felt like eternity.

Every second felt so long when she was alone with her thoughts these days.

“Waverly?”

She didn’t answer, knowing her voice would betray her if she did right now. She just needed a few seconds, a few seconds and everything would be fine.

“Is everything okay? I know you said you were just tired but I wanted to make sure it was all.”

Waverly stared at the door, her mind everywhere but here at the moment, barely blinking.

The subtle movement on the door handle made her come back to herself, a rush of fear making her act before she could register what she was really doing.

“I’m okay, everything’s fine, you can go back downstairs!”

Too hoarse. Even her could hear the lie in her voice, but the movement on the door handle stopped, the door staying closed. Only silence came from the other side, before a soft thud came to Waverly’s ears.

“Okay,” Nicole finally let out, her voice muffled by the piece of wood standing between them, “just remember I’m here for you, whenever you want or need me.”

Waverly’s throat felt even more tight with her words, and she had to cover her mouth with her hand to stop a sob. She was exhausted from all of this, so tired of fighting against herself…

The floorboard cracked on the hallway and she rushed to the door, finding Nicole half turned toward the stairs. Her hand went quicker than her mind as she grabbed her wrist and pulled her into the room, her head low, knowing she wouldn’t be able to hold her gaze right now.

She barely let Nicole close the door behind her before her arms went around her waist, holding her as if her life depended on her, and in some ways it was the case.

The shore was now steady under her feet, water coming back and forth in gentle waves around her ankles, the woman in her arms anchoring her as fresh air finally filled her.

She stayed silent as she hold her too, and Waverly thanked her mentally for that, for letting her come back to safety, helping her getting steady with every slow brush of her fingers through her hair.

But standing at the shore wasn’t enough, she needed to get away as far as possible, to escape all this water, to run so far the claws wouldn’t be able to grab her anymore.

At least for a moment.

So Waverly pulled away from the warmth of her girlfriend’s arms and crashed her lips against hers.

She kissed her as is she was suffocating and Nicole was oxygen because it was exactly that, and the only thing she could think about now was her and having _more_ , having so much that she wouldn’t be able to think of anything else than her, now, here.

Gripping the back of Nicole’s neck, she pressed herself against her harder, making her back collide with the door as they both ran out of breath, Waverly never leaving her for a second, her hands traveling on her torso, feeling as much as possible until her fingers began to work on Nicole's uniform.

That’s when Nicole came back to her.

Gentle hands covered hers, stopping her from undressing her, and Waverly tried again but Nicole’s hands stopped her once more, intertwining their fingers and giving it a squeeze before letting them rest on her chest, keeping her close. Waverly’s head lowered, trying to escape brown eyes, panic settling in her stomach as she took a step back, trying to turn around.

“Hey,” whispered Nicole, her hand moving to her girlfriend’s chin, lifting it up gently.

It’s something truly beautiful and crushing, how the eyes can reflect emotions.

Pain and fear she knew were all over her face mirrored in Nicole’s eyes, and there wasn’t much she could do anymore to stop it.

“Oh Waves...”

Her thumbs brushed her cheeks, catching her tears, trying to soothe her, but it kept sinking on her flesh.

“Baby please talk to me,” pleaded Nicole, and Waverly started to shake her head, more tears coming, “tell me what’s wrong.”

Turned out running from the shore had led her near the forest, where claws could hide and were waiting for her to walk further between the trees, so they could grab her and drag her into another hell.

Turning away from Nicole, she took a few steps in the room, her gaze focused on the window, trying to see something that could distract her, calm her. Unfortunately, the night was so dark tonight she couldn’t see the stars.

She heard her girlfriend’s deep breath, feeling the uncertainty in it. Poor Nicole, she didn’t deserve all of this…

“How can I make things better?” The redhead asked her, the sound of a hesitant footstep following.

So, what was left now? What could she do next? Running away once more could only led her to another trap, and lying was of no use. Staying silent hadn’t been so good too, considering pushing the problem inside had only made the voices stronger in her head, her thoughts nurturing them, giving them all they needed to grow and multiply and smother her.

No, there was only one thing left to do.

The right thing.

Waverly slowly walked to the edge of her bed, biting her lip and wringing her hands together as she sat down.

“Can we talk?” She finally asked, patting the mattress, and it was strange how she felt so calm and scared at the same time.

Nicole looked at her for a moment, frozen a few feet away from her, a frown on her face, but she nodded and sat down next to her. The silence between them was uneasy, and Waverly could feel how concerned her girlfriend was as she was waiting for her to say or do something, her eyes gentle but afraid on her.

Waverly’s eyes didn’t move from hers as she took her hand, her thumb drawing soothing circles on Nicole’s skin, and the squeeze she gave her back felt like a balm.

“It’s not you, okay?” She started, “It’s no one’s fault, you’ve all been great and even apologized, even if I know none of you meant what you said at the time. It’s me. I’ve… I’ve been stuck with her words.”

“Jolene?”

Waverly nodded, finding hard to stay focused, her head slowly drifting back as she finally faced and spoke about it.

“What she said that night, these words have been there before, but I’ve always managed to push the voices away until then. I don’t know why I can’t do it anymore.”

Soft lips connected with the back of her hand, and she felt braver than she had in weeks.

“They are so loud now, and I’m really trying Nicole, but these days I’ve kept losing over and over again and I’m just so tired of it all.”

“Why didn’t talk to me?” She gently asked.

“Because I don’t want to be the weak baby everyone thinks I am, and because we have other things to focus on than that. How I feel is not important right now, we’ve got bigger problems.”

“Hey, how you feel is important, always, and talking about it doesn’t make you weak.”

“But...”

“No, there is no but here baby,” whispered Nicole, her gaze holding hers, “I really want you to know you can come to me and talk, always.”

“What if I hurt you?”

“You think you’d hurt me?”

Waverly looked down for a second, taking some time to gather her thoughts so her words would make sense once spoken out.

“What the voices say to me, the thoughts I have, it can be ugly Nicole. It’s dark, and bitter, and mean. They constantly tell me I’m not enough, and that I will never be enough for you, for Wynonna, for our friends, for anyone. I am not strong enough, and I am a burden you all have to carry and all I do is mess things up, and that’s why people leave, and I’m so scared… You have no idea how scared I am that one day you will see that too and leave me. Some days I just feel worthless and so not deserving of all you give me, and I just wait in fear that the day will come when you just realize it too.”

A tear fell down on Nicole’s cheek as she lowered her head, and it felt as if Waverly had been shot. Maybe some words were better left unsaid after all…

“See?” She murmured with a sad smile as she whipped the tears away, “I’ve hurt you.”

“No Waves that’s not…”

Nicole let out a sigh and sniffed before looking back up at the brunette sitting next to her.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t see it and you had to fight alone,” she managed to say, her voice thick.

Her words made Waverly sit perfectly still for a moment, looking into those beautiful eyes so full of love, but also tinted with regret that shouldn’t be there.

“Don’t apologize, please,” she replied, climbing on her lap, her hands moving into her hair, nails gently scratching her scalp.

Strong arms wrapped themselves around her, the warmth of Nicole’s hands passing through her sweater on her back after she brushed tears away from her face. She pulled her closer to her, her head pressed against her chest, arms tightening around her girlfriend, and Waverly let herself get engulfed by that oh so special vanilla scent that was so _Nicole_ , letting love wash away weeks of mental torture.

It could have lasted minutes or hours or days and she wouldn’t be able to say, because being in Nicole’s arms obliterated every notion of time and space. Being held by her only meant being home, and it was all she could ever wish for.

She pulled away just a bit once calm was all that could be felt around them, and cupped Nicole’s face between her hands, smiling at her. She knew it wasn’t the biggest or brightest smile ever, but it was an honest one, and for now it was enough. Slowly bending towards the redhead’s lips, she watched in awe how she lifted her chin just a little, closing her eyes and letting Waverly close the gap between them, kissing her back slowly.

“You are enough Waverly, you’re strong, smart, gentle, sweet, beautiful. You’re everything good and bright and there’s not a minute I don’t think of you like that, you hear me?” Nicole whispered to her between kisses. “You’re not alone, and as long as you want me, I will be by your side.”

She opened her eyes then, honey sweet and gentle and sincere, a small smile making her dimple pop, and there wasn’t much Waverly could have said back.

And when words fail, action speak.

So she pressed her lips against hers a bit harder, the tip of her fingers drifting down on the side of Nicole’s neck until she found the buttons of her shirt. Undoing them one by one as she deepened their kiss, she felt her shiver under her as she pushed the clothe to touch her skin, muscles flexing under her hands. Once the shirt was off, Waverly moved a bit to access Nicole’s belt, unbuckling it with ease before unzipping her pants, her lips traveling from her girlfriend’s lips to her neck. Her heart leaped in her chest as she let out a small moan when her lips pressed against that spot right under her jaw.

“Are you sure this is what you want right now?” Nicole asked, her hands on her thighs.

“Yes, please.”

_I need you._

She didn’t need to say these words as Nicole read them in her eyes before her grip on her thighs went firmer, amber pupils darkening.

She didn’t made a move though, and Waverly let her hands wander a bit more on her now naked arms and shoulders before straightening on her lap, taking her sweater off. Nicole looked at her for a few seconds before her hands went on her waist, pulling her closer, stealing her breath with a kiss so filled with want it was intoxicating.

With her fingers tangled in red strands and her eyes closed, Waverly let herself go, soft lips running on her skin, passing on her mouth, cheeks, jaw, neck, going down on her collar bone, the feeling of Nicole’s tongue making her grip her hair harder.

Her hips moved on their own will, rolling against Nicole's, and she let out a sigh when warm hands traveled on her back, agile fingers unclasping her bra. She let it slide to the floor and her back arched the second Nicole started to touch her breasts, gently grabbing them before pinching her nipples, her fingers quickly replaced by her mouth, her hot breath making Waverly’s sensitive skin ache for more.

Nicole’s hands were everywhere, deliciously burning her as they traveled from her chest down to her stomach, then lightly brushing her sides, making Waverly shiver as she took her chin between her thumb and index, slowing their kiss before moving away, taking her breath.

“I can’t get enough of you,” She panted, pressing herself against Waverly.

Both of them let out a hiss when their skin connected, and Nicole couldn’t help but kiss Waverly’s neck, her teeth slightly scraping against the skin of her shoulder, her head lowering, leaving a trail of kisses on her way.

Nicole stopped on the top of her left breast, lips lingering against her pulse before she bit it, making the woman sitting on top of her whimper. Waverly’s thighs tightened at the feeling, her body asking for more, and Nicole’s hands slid from her back to her butt to her greatest delight.

Moving swiftly, as if she weighted nothing, Nicole stood up and turned around, laying Waverly down on the mattress, looking at her from her position before bending over.

“Wait,” Waverly said, eyes going from her face down her unzipped pants.

Nicole retracted her outstretched hand, standing in front of the bed a bit out of breath, waiting for Waverly’s words to move. The youngest Earp bit her bottom lips at the view, the tension in her stomach tightening, her back arching slightly with the anticipation of what was coming.

“Take it off,” she asked eyes on that unbuckled belt teasing her.

Nicole’s eyes followed hers, and a small smile appeared on her face as her hands worked on her clothes, her pants joining her shirt on the floor. She then took a step towards the bed, but Waverly stopped her once more, holding her hand up.

“All of it.”

Without saying a word Nicole obeyed, and Waverly watched her as she got rid of her underwear. It was something she would never get tired to see really, Nicole standing naked in the moonlight, her abs contracting with her breath, skin pale and looking so smooth she couldn’t wait to feel it under her fingers.

Moving her hand, leaning on her elbows to see her finally walk over to the bed, Waverly sighed as Nicole knelt between her legs, a hand pushing against the mattress next to her head as the other found the back of her neck, pulling her into a kiss.

Leaning back against the pillows, she dragged Nicole with her, moaning against her lips, delighting in the soft pressure of her lover’s body against her own. Nicole didn’t stay there for long though, slowly but surely moving down on her, her hands on her sides as she pressed kisses through the valley between her breasts, taking her time, licking her skin, nibbling at her abs, her biceps flexing as Waverly’s muscles contracted, pushing against her face to get more.

She kissed her until her chin met her jeans, then sat up on her heels, fingers drawing little circles on Waverly’s stomach, the tip of her tongue passing on her bottom lip before her hands settled on her hips.

“Can I?” she asked, looking up at Waverly.

“Please.”

Unbuttoning her jeans, Nicole then grabbed it and tugged, hooking her fingers on her underwear to take it off at the same time. Waverly lifted her hips up, the chill of the night making her shiver as her clothes ended on the floor, leaving her naked, her legs parted, Nicole sitting between them.

Warm hands slid from her knees to her hips, long fingers causing goosebumps to cover her skin, making it hard to stay still.

“You’re so beautiful,” Nicole smiled, and Waverly’s mind stopped working.

Gentle honey eyes met hers, and she allowed herself to get lost into them, receiving all the love and care they carried and gave her. Desire kept increasing within her, and Waverly’s lips parted, her hands going on Nicole’s wrists, silently asking for more. Long fingers then started to move up, traveling on her ribs, index caressing the sides of her breasts, making her squirm a little before Nicole cupped her cheeks, her face so close Waverly could kiss her if she lifted her chin up.

“Let me love you, okay?”

The brunette nodded, breathing shakily when Nicole lowered her hips against hers, bare skin against bare skin. Her warmth wrapped around Waverly as she put her forehead against hers, nuzzling her nose slowly before rolling her hips, dragging a long whine out of her. Not wasting time, Nicole pushed her tongue inside her mouth, kissing Waverly until her head started to feel light, hands moving all over her body, making her crave more and more.

A moan escaped her lips when Nicole’s hips moved away from hers, and she grabbed her back, trying to keep her close.

“It’s okay, I’m not going anywhere,” murmured Nicole, kissing her temple.

Pushing on her forearm, she looked down, her other hand drawing the outline of Waverly’s hipbone, moving on her inner thigh, and the sigh she let out when she parted her legs a bit more didn’t go unnoticed by Waverly.

“Please,” she said, letting a finger graze down Nicole's navel, her hips starting to move on their own once again.

A finger slid between her folds, moving slowly up and down, and Waverly let her head fall back on the pillows, her core tightening with want.

“You’re always so wet.”

“That’s because of you,” responded Waverly, her hands running through red hair, tugging every time Nicole’s finger brushed against her clit.

Nicole continued her movements, leaving open mouthed kisses all over her jaw and neck, her hot breath driving her crazy. Her gestures became firmer as she shifted, moving one of Waverly’s leg between hers, her hips starting to move against her skin, making the woman under her shake.

Waverly’s heartbeat was so quick it felt like her heart was trying to escape her chest, and every inch of her was itching for more friction, more contact, _more._

Nicole hissed as her fingers roamed over her front, fingers following her collarbone before caressing her breasts, her touch staying light, barely there before the palms of her hands settled on Nicole’s neck and waist.

“I want you inside of me,” she whispered, her teeth grazing against Nicole's ear.

Two fingers pushed inside her, and she cried out her lover’s name, arching against her hand. The stretch felt so good she sank her nails on Nicole’s skin, her walls tightening around her. They stayed still for a moment, until Waverly back touched the mattress again, then Nicole started to move, pumping slowly inside her, her hips rolling again at the same speed as her fingers. The shining trace spread on her thigh by her girlfriend grinding on her was something Waverly couldn’t get bored of, just like the little noise she let out when she moved her leg higher, the new angle increasing the friction.

“Faster Nicole.”

She obeyed once again, her hand moving between her thighs with increased speed, her lips searching hers with hunger, before she dropped her head on her chest, licking her breasts, her tongue playing with her nipples, making Waverly moan louder, her breathing halting with the twirl of her tongue and teeth nibbling at the sensitive buds, making her dizzy.

Her hips bucked the moment Nicole's thumb started to work on her clit, drawing little circles with her finger, and she gripped the sheets, shutting her eyes.

“How do you feel?” The redhead asked, covering her with her body, her face hidden in the crook of her neck.

“Good, I feel really good.”

“You smell amazing, and your skin is so soft,” she whined, her fingers curling inside her girlfriend.

Waverly’s lips fell open, but no sound came out of it, the ministrations given by Nicole making her speechless. Her thumb brushed her clit in circle motions, pressing gently on it, and she chased every touch, sensing the pressure in the pit of her stomach build stronger with every second passing.

“I want to taste you,” Nicole let out before kissing her cheek, moving her face up to look at her.

There was so much emotions in the way she was looking at her, smiling at her, how gentle and caring she was, slowly but surely guiding her to release, that for a second Waverly feared she’d be overwhelmed.

But as she had always been, Nicole was there to catch her.

“Would you like that baby?”

The thought of Nicole’s face between her thighs, her tongue working on her wetness made Waverly cling around her fingers, her legs contracting as a little whine fell from her mouth.

“Is that a yes?” Asked Nicole against her lips, her mouth gently moving against her own.

Waverly ground very deliberately against her hand, and the groan that echoed in the room from the woman laying on top of her made her entire spine shiver.

“I’m close,” she replied, making Nicole smile.

“That’s perfect then, don’t hold back.”

Nicole moved quickly then, her fingers hitting that special spot repeatedly, making body her jump as her heart hammered on her chest. Waverly missed the warmth of the redhead on top of her as she went down, but it only lasted for a second before she felt her arms moving under her legs, placing them over her shoulders, her hands following the outline of her muscles, her touch feather-like. Her eyes were still on her face, and Waverly licked her lips at the sight, her core tightening even more, the loss of Nicole’s fingers making her whimper.

“Come in my mouth, okay baby?” She told her, her face pressed against one of her thigh.

Waverly felt her arousal drip more between her folds at the words and nodded, unable to say a single words at the moment. Nicole’s hands stilled on her legs, fingers gripping on her skin as she ran her mouth on the inside of her thigh, every kiss burning her alive. The closer she was getting to her center, the harder it was for Waverly not to move, her breath becoming shorter with every second passing, her hands holding on the sheets, tension aching in a delicious way all over her body.

“Nicole...” she pleaded.

“I’ve got you, just try to relax and enjoy.”

One of Nicole’s hand caressed her stomach as she went for Waverly’s other thigh, ignoring the place she needed her the most to leave another trail of kisses on her trembling body, biting gently when she heard a soft moan escape the brunette’s lips.

And then she was there, her tongue licking all the way up, making her body shake with every touch on that sensitive bundle of nerves.

Waverly’s back arched at the touch, a loud gasp echoing on her room as she resisted the urge to close her eyes, the sight of Nicole laying between her legs, her red strands brushing against her thighs and her arms wrapped around her, holding her down on the mattress being something she didn’t want to miss.

Nicole kept working with her tongue, making her moan more, alternating between light strokes and long touches, her hot breath sending shivers all around her body. Finally letting go, Waverly let her head fall back on the pillows, her eyes shut tightly, heels pushing on Nicole's back, holding her closer.

She was getting closer and closer to the edge with every moan, her control over herself vanishing more and more, her breathe becoming ragged, her body jolting over Nicole, searching for the release it so desperately needed.

Nicole must’ve sense it too as her arms tightened, holding her against her mouth as she kept pushing her higher, muscles flexing, jerking under her, prayers and pleadings falling out of her mouth incoherently. Waverly felt her breath quicken, and her inside kept becoming hotter and hotter as her body kept stretching and squirming under Nicole, her movements becoming more erratic until she stilled, every muscles in her body tightening. She let out a loud cry, and the only thing she could think of, the only thing she could feel was Nicole.

Panting hard, Waverly let herself fall, Nicole being there to catch her, her comforting touch slowing down as she rode down from that peak of pleasure, slowly coming back to reality.

Nicole’s hold loosened around her legs, her hands gently stroking Waverly’s skin as she let her tongue caress her one last time before lifting her face up, eyes on her lover’s face, caring as always.

“You’re okay?” She murmured, her lips sliding to Waverly’s thigh, deposing light kisses there.

Waverly nodded, her brain momentarily refusing to let her pronounce a word, before she gestured for Nicole to come up. The woman let Waverly’s legs slide from her shoulders slowly before she crawled her way back up, wiping her chin with a quick movement of the hand before her face was above the brunette’s.

“Hey,” Nicole smiled, replacing a strand of her girlfriend’s hair behind her ear.

Waverly’s hands moved slowly from her sides, fondling Nicole’s hips, waist and shoulder blades before her fingers found their way to her face and she pulled her into a kiss. Nicole lowered herself against her and she kissed her slowly, trying to convey everything she wish she could tell her.

How much she loved her, how much she was thankful for that day she had decided to walk in Shorty’s, and for every day they had had together since then. How she had helped her to find herself and stand for what she wanted, being patient and letting her move at her own pace. How grateful she was that despite all the craziness that surrounded the Earp’s name, despite her struggles, she had decided to stay.

“I love you,” Waverly whispered.

“And I love you,” replied Nicole before stealing one last kiss, starting to move away.

Before she could go too far, Waverly wrapped her arms around her, hands flat on Nicole's back as she pull her closer, holding her against her chest. Nicole didn’t say a word, her face resting on the crook of her neck, her breath lulling Waverly, making her eyelids heavy.

They stayed like that until Waverly’s hold loosened, and Nicole rolled on her back, pulling the blankets over them before Waverly moved, snuggling on her side, her head resting on her chest, her arm wrapped around her torso, their legs entangled.

“Waverly?”

The youngest Earp made a small noise, her tongue feeling heavy in her mouth, her lips stirring up slightly as she felt Nicole fingers play with her hair, her nose brushing against her forehead.

“If you ever feel bad, if there’s anything bothering you, even the smallest thing, remember I’m here for you.”

“I know you are,” she assured Nicole, her thumb brushing the skin of her side.

“I don’t want you to suffer.”

Waverly turned her face against Nicole’s skin, kissing it before trying to move on top of her, but Nicole stopped her, her grip tightening to keep her in place.

“We should sleep now, it was a long day,” she murmured, lifting Waverly’s chin to kiss her.

“It’s okay, I’m not that tired,” Waverly replied, barely able to hold back a yawn, making Nicole laugh.

“I’m here baby, always. You can close your eyes, I promise I will be there when you will open them tomorrow, and every day after that. I just want you to rest for now, please.”

And laying here in Nicole’s arms under the sheets with her heartbeat strong and steady on her ear, Waverly smiled a true, genuine smile, the promise of tomorrow chasing the demons of yesterday.


End file.
